Maybe you can relate. When things go well, I mean really amazing, sometimes I stop myself from receiving. It’s like someone ready to hand me a beautiful, juicy pear I can almost taste. My mouth waters, my eyes open wide, I’m tingling with excitement. It’s dangling.
I shut my hand.
Am I overwhelmed, afraid of success, or just crazy?
Self-sabotage is like a undiagnosed virus that keeps you from feeling your best, from truly living. It thrives on the down-low. It’s fed on whispered secret messages, “you don’t deserve this”, “you’re not worthy”, “you’ll mess it up”, “stop before it goes to far”.
Just like our memory latches onto all the hurt and pain from the past, and conveniently forgets all the wonderful moments, we choose to bypass the good in favor of the not so great. We choose the familiar above the unknown. Success takes some getting used to. Failure is much easier.
My husband is my biggest supporter and will also call me out when necessary (thanks honey). As soon as I got paid for my writing, I stopped. Stopped brainstorming ideas, stopped submitting articles, stopped my thousand words a day.
Yet, I’ve always dreamed of being a writer. When I think of introducing myself, “Hi, I’m Laura. I’m a writer.” I get goosebumps.
Why am I keeping myself from doing what I love? Can you relate?
Whether it’s expressing a talent, achieving and maintaining great health, or an awesome relationship, what are you keeping from yourself?
Will you grab it?
The only thing that’s help me is this belief: I’m not the creator or owner of my talent, it is God-given. If I am blessed with something from above, I am meant to use it, for his glory. To help another, to share what I’ve learned, to comfort someone in pain. This makes me feel alive.
I pray today to be a conduit for the light shining into me. I want to clearly pass this on, with love. Less of me, God. More of you.
Someone told me today, “You are a beautiful writer, who has overcome difficulties that would test most people.” It’s hard to own the first part, the rest I can fully agree too. I have been tested by life circumstances. I’m thankful because I’ve learned and grown. It’s cliché, but I’m stronger.
Now to embrace the title “beautiful writer”.
Share with me what you are going to own. What fruit is meant for you in this life? What is waiting to drop into your hand, today, like a sweet, shining pear?
“Yes, that is mine. Thank you.”